Night Swim

They say that anxiety comes at night. I’ve started swimming, and it feels like the opposite of scrolling. I’ve never been good at breathing while swimming or able to find the body relaxation it takes to move through the water in rhythm, but just being in the water every day, and especially at night, is starting to calm me. I’m getting better at it. I can swim the length of the pool and not stop. A first step.

I want to reclaim my life. Does anyone else feel this way? Put down my phone. I should be getting my news, and that’s the end of it. Move on. Focus on my art. Focus on my neighbor. Protest. I am glad that voices that need to be heard go viral on social media. I am and I want to share them. But why do we have to teach human decency to people now? This I don’t understand, and my nervous system doesn’t either. I am privileged to have two of my children in the same city and one a daily call away, if we need it, and right now we usually do. That makes things easier. That is a blessing that many don’t have. We need our people more than ever now.

The water is cool. I dive under and my mind resets. I begin my laps and the city noise, the online noise, the pain and knowledge that people are suffering disappears for just a moment, for the half hour that I swim. Maybe it’s another time. Maybe when I pop my head up, only love will exist.

Peace,

Robin